Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
