I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
