Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
