can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
