Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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