So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
