The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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