She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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