Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
