You made me cry and you don't even care
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
