God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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