Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
