i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
