where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
