I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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