remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
