Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
