yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
