6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
