a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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