Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i need some magic done to my vagina
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
