i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
