She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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