tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
