sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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