some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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