im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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