clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
