Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Duck Duck Cougar?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
