I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
