I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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