I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
