Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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