i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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