just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Panties = found
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize