you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
