I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
