I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize