Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
