considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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