he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we should paint friendship bongs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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