just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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