Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
