forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
