a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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