Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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