We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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