Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
