Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
