remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
