Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
