I can text with my tongue
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
