Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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