I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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