he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
