Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
