i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
