So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
