She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
