I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
