My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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