Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
