i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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