Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
