just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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