my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
