if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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