Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize