In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
