I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who died my cat blue again?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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