OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
