I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
