There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
